Man, embarrassing moments in public. When will they ever end? What do you do when your in one? How do you avoid it? When will you answer my questions!??
You know the moments I'm talking about. Like losing your balance in public because you tripped over a non-existent pebble. You slip your front foot and you start to topple like a cut-down tree before you regain your equilibrium by awkwardly wobbling your arms and feet like a crazy monkey trying to fight for a banana. And you usually finish by mumbling "SHIT!" to yourself, but you say it loud enough to attract the attention of nearby people. Then they give you a look as to say "I'm most likely not going to be your friend..." Then you try to scurry away from the scene before a familiar voice in the distance yells mockingly at you "I saaaaaawwwww thaaaat!"
What are you suppose to do in these predicaments? You could start to do the windmill and pretend you were breakdancing. Or you could just lay down and just stay there hoping people would stop laughing long enough to feel sorry for you. Whichever you choose, they will both end with someone calling the authorities.
I wanna try just blowing it out of proportion. Tripping over a crack in the pavement, then me turning around and abusing the footpath. "SHIITT!! What the hell happened!?? Oh my god, this could've been a disaster! I could have seriously been injured or DEAD! Someone has to do something about this safety issue! Think of the children!! Those council motherf..." And I'll rave on like this for about 2 hours before someone calls the cops or Today Tonight.
I'm also wary of waving in public. Especially to people that I've only met once before. You risk mistakingly greeting a person you thought was someone you knew but was really a stranger. So I'm there 20 meters from the person, and I'm waving and walking towards them, then as I get closer I realise it's not the person i thought i was waving to. But by then the person I was waving to has seen me waving at them, and of course they have no idea who I am and they're giving me the look as to say "I have a gun and if you come near me, I'm going to shoot your family". At this point i point at the distance behind them, and as they turn around to look at what it was i was pointing at, I run around the nearest corner and hide. This is usually dangerous to do at night because hiding around corners in the dark can get you...you know...murdered.
And I'm also in those situations where strangers wave at me. My natural response to this is to start waving back. Then as she gets closer i notice how cute she is and i have this stupid grin on my face while waving. The only word to describe that facial expression would be 'Duuuuurrrrrhhhhhgghhh'. And, of course, i realise too late that she was waving at the guy behind me. So I'm there waving with my duuurrrhhgh face making a complete ass of myself in public, while the cute girl walks off with another guy laughing at something (most likely me), and to top it off, I hear someone in the distance yelling "I saaaaaawwwww thaaaat!"
Monday, April 20, 2009
Thursday, April 16, 2009
The things we say…
Update on my last post. Believe it or not, I forgot to take out the rubbish bin today. I wrote a whole post talking about garbage disposal, and I forgot to do what it was I was writing about. Oh the hilarious predicaments I find myself in…oh well, time to dump trash into my neighbour’s garden again. Take that society!
Okay, moving on. I’ve come to realise that I say things just for the sake of saying something. Just the other day, I walked past KFC and the first thing I said to the person next to me was “Hey there’s KFC, I’m hungry as man”. First thing I gotta point out is that I knew the person next to me, it wasn’t some stranger. I don’t walk up to random people and go “Hey man, I’m hungry. Do you have some chicken!??” Anyway, the point is that I wasn’t really hungry. I ate just half an hour before that. I said I was hungry just for the sake of saying something in the small gap of silence I had found myself in.
Asking questions that you already know the answer to. Another way to talk crap just for the sake of talking. “Hey, where’s our next class?” I know where the next class is, I checked my timetable just this morning, and, to my knowledge, rooms don’t know how to teleport. Unless you go to Hogwarts..or you’re stoned. So I ask it anyway. And when the person answers the question that you already know the answer to, and they answer it WRONG, what do you do then? Do you just go "Ohh...yeah...thanks..." and follow what they say knowing that if you correct them you'll reveal that you just asked a quiestion you already knew the answer to and risk them thinking you're some weirdo with no life, or do you confess that you knew all along and say “No, wrong! You a liar, BITCH!!”
Whenever there’s a pause in a conversation indicating a discussion has ended and a new subject must to brought up to keep the talk going, I say things just for the sake of saying them. As you can see, those things I say don’t have much importance..or make sense for that matter. I blurt out things like “What do you think it’ll be like to be attacked by a mafia mermaid with laser beams?”
Sometimes what I say gets misunderstood. Like when I like someone (it could be you! OH…not YOU, jeez, I do have standards), it’s hard for me to get the message across. What I mean to say is that I have feelings for them, but instead what comes out of my mouth is “You’re a skanky slut!”
So the moral of this story is sometimes people mean what they can’t say. You don’t have to say something to mean it. That, and I like to talk shit. This whole post was pretty much just me talking shit. I just posted for the sake of posting because I needed some interweb attention. Man, if this were a conversation there would be an awkward silence right now..…what do you think it’ll be like to be slapped by a jamaican samurai?
Okay, moving on. I’ve come to realise that I say things just for the sake of saying something. Just the other day, I walked past KFC and the first thing I said to the person next to me was “Hey there’s KFC, I’m hungry as man”. First thing I gotta point out is that I knew the person next to me, it wasn’t some stranger. I don’t walk up to random people and go “Hey man, I’m hungry. Do you have some chicken!??” Anyway, the point is that I wasn’t really hungry. I ate just half an hour before that. I said I was hungry just for the sake of saying something in the small gap of silence I had found myself in.
Asking questions that you already know the answer to. Another way to talk crap just for the sake of talking. “Hey, where’s our next class?” I know where the next class is, I checked my timetable just this morning, and, to my knowledge, rooms don’t know how to teleport. Unless you go to Hogwarts..or you’re stoned. So I ask it anyway. And when the person answers the question that you already know the answer to, and they answer it WRONG, what do you do then? Do you just go "Ohh...yeah...thanks..." and follow what they say knowing that if you correct them you'll reveal that you just asked a quiestion you already knew the answer to and risk them thinking you're some weirdo with no life, or do you confess that you knew all along and say “No, wrong! You a liar, BITCH!!”
Whenever there’s a pause in a conversation indicating a discussion has ended and a new subject must to brought up to keep the talk going, I say things just for the sake of saying them. As you can see, those things I say don’t have much importance..or make sense for that matter. I blurt out things like “What do you think it’ll be like to be attacked by a mafia mermaid with laser beams?”
Sometimes what I say gets misunderstood. Like when I like someone (it could be you! OH…not YOU, jeez, I do have standards), it’s hard for me to get the message across. What I mean to say is that I have feelings for them, but instead what comes out of my mouth is “You’re a skanky slut!”
So the moral of this story is sometimes people mean what they can’t say. You don’t have to say something to mean it. That, and I like to talk shit. This whole post was pretty much just me talking shit. I just posted for the sake of posting because I needed some interweb attention. Man, if this were a conversation there would be an awkward silence right now..…what do you think it’ll be like to be slapped by a jamaican samurai?
Sunday, April 12, 2009
I know i was meant to do something...
Okay, do you ever have those moments where you know you were meant to do something but u completely forgot what, so you leave it alone for a while but only realise what you had to do AFTER it was suppose to be done? I have a quota of 6 i-know-i-was-meant-to-do-something-moments a day.
Here's an example. I was told by my mum to do a chore for that day. I could've done it at that very moment she asked me, but Oprah was on and she was covering a very interesting story. Forgot what the show was about, i think it was about a man who saved orphans out of a burning church which was being raided by the yakuza. It turned out that that man was on drugs. And was secretly a SAMURAI!! Ok, maybe i made that part up. I sometimes make things up in my mind to make tv shows alot more interesting. I also do it everywhere else to add interest in the dull existence in which i call my life...
Well anyway, my mum told me to do something:
Mum: Trung, can you go do it now?
Me: I'll do it later..
Mum: Alright, just remember it has to be done before tomorrow.
Of course, by the time Oprah's finished, i go on to watch the next tv show, and then surf the net, then next tv show again. By the time there's nothing to waste time on, I'm thinking to myself "I'm suppose to do something, I'm sure whatever it was, i did it during one of the commercial breaks...what's that smell?" So I'm just sitting there, thinking I've already done whatever it was i forgot i needed to do with a weird stench in the air, and my Mum goes up to me and says:
Mum: "Did you do what i asked you to do?"
Me: "...Yeah, did it a while ago"
Mum: "Oh ok, i didn't hear you open the gate"
Me: "I open gates quitely. Like a ninja...with slippers"
Mum: "So you took the rubbish out then?"
Me: "OHHHH! That, of course..nope."
I don't know if this applies to all mothers, or just that of the asian variety, but mine
likes to remind to do a chore as many times as possible, even though she knows i'll forget
to do it.
8:00am
"Trung, take the rubbish out today."
8:30am
"Trung, remember to take your brother to school, and take the rubbish out"
8:31am
"Take the rubbish out!"
11:00am
"Remember to take the rubbish out, ok?"
11:45am
"I'm making lunch today. It's rice with sweet and sour take-the-rubish-out!"
1:40pm
"Trung! Why is your brother still not at school!?"
Maybe it's coz of my forgetful nature that i got to be reminded to do things, but the
more I'm reminded, the more likely i forget. So its just a endless cycle of me forgetting to do something, then being reminded to do it more the next time, then forgetting again, then being reminded more, then forgetting, and going on and on till my mum gets fed up and stabs me with a shovel. Hmmm...remind me to get rid of all my shovels.
But it doesn't end there, i sometimes forget to do something WHILE i'm doing what it
was i was wanting to do. Here's an example.
I want to do something, and while i'm doing it, I'm lost in thought. So i walk to the kitchen and grab a slice of cheese. By this moment I'm lost in thought thinking about koala bears. And i just mindlessly walk to the dinner table and wonder what it would be like to be attacked by a furry animal. When i get to the table, my mindless autopilot is turned off, and i snap back to reality. By this time, i'm looking at the cheese thinking "What the hell do i want this one slice of cheese for?" So i walk back to the fridge, and put the slice back. Then walk off. As i walk past the dinner table again, i finally remember that i was hungry and wanted a ham cheese sandwich, so then I got to go back again to the fridge and get the slice of cheese that i already got before...
So the moral of this story is...erm...i forgot...
Here's an example. I was told by my mum to do a chore for that day. I could've done it at that very moment she asked me, but Oprah was on and she was covering a very interesting story. Forgot what the show was about, i think it was about a man who saved orphans out of a burning church which was being raided by the yakuza. It turned out that that man was on drugs. And was secretly a SAMURAI!! Ok, maybe i made that part up. I sometimes make things up in my mind to make tv shows alot more interesting. I also do it everywhere else to add interest in the dull existence in which i call my life...
Well anyway, my mum told me to do something:
Mum: Trung, can you go do it now?
Me: I'll do it later..
Mum: Alright, just remember it has to be done before tomorrow.
Of course, by the time Oprah's finished, i go on to watch the next tv show, and then surf the net, then next tv show again. By the time there's nothing to waste time on, I'm thinking to myself "I'm suppose to do something, I'm sure whatever it was, i did it during one of the commercial breaks...what's that smell?" So I'm just sitting there, thinking I've already done whatever it was i forgot i needed to do with a weird stench in the air, and my Mum goes up to me and says:
Mum: "Did you do what i asked you to do?"
Me: "...Yeah, did it a while ago"
Mum: "Oh ok, i didn't hear you open the gate"
Me: "I open gates quitely. Like a ninja...with slippers"
Mum: "So you took the rubbish out then?"
Me: "OHHHH! That, of course..nope."
I don't know if this applies to all mothers, or just that of the asian variety, but mine
likes to remind to do a chore as many times as possible, even though she knows i'll forget
to do it.
8:00am
"Trung, take the rubbish out today."
8:30am
"Trung, remember to take your brother to school, and take the rubbish out"
8:31am
"Take the rubbish out!"
11:00am
"Remember to take the rubbish out, ok?"
11:45am
"I'm making lunch today. It's rice with sweet and sour take-the-rubish-out!"
1:40pm
"Trung! Why is your brother still not at school!?"
Maybe it's coz of my forgetful nature that i got to be reminded to do things, but the
more I'm reminded, the more likely i forget. So its just a endless cycle of me forgetting to do something, then being reminded to do it more the next time, then forgetting again, then being reminded more, then forgetting, and going on and on till my mum gets fed up and stabs me with a shovel. Hmmm...remind me to get rid of all my shovels.
But it doesn't end there, i sometimes forget to do something WHILE i'm doing what it
was i was wanting to do. Here's an example.
I want to do something, and while i'm doing it, I'm lost in thought. So i walk to the kitchen and grab a slice of cheese. By this moment I'm lost in thought thinking about koala bears. And i just mindlessly walk to the dinner table and wonder what it would be like to be attacked by a furry animal. When i get to the table, my mindless autopilot is turned off, and i snap back to reality. By this time, i'm looking at the cheese thinking "What the hell do i want this one slice of cheese for?" So i walk back to the fridge, and put the slice back. Then walk off. As i walk past the dinner table again, i finally remember that i was hungry and wanted a ham cheese sandwich, so then I got to go back again to the fridge and get the slice of cheese that i already got before...
So the moral of this story is...erm...i forgot...
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Netiquette
Yep another internet blog from me. Speaking of the internet, i'm gonna rant about it in this post. Particularly things people do on MSN.
How do you laugh? Would you say loudly, in an outward direction? If not, then "lol" shouldn't be used. It gives a wrong indication of the humour level within a conversation. Unless you really are laughing at a high level which would wake your neighbours, resulting in repeated visits by the police telling you to desist in your rampant gigglin, then don't lie.
And something else with "lol": It's an acronym standing for "laugh out loud". Why do people use variations of an acronym that would obviously change the meaning of it. "Lawl"?? And what about "lolz"?? What does that stand for? "laugh out loud zinger-burger"??
And those that end their portion of the conversation like this:
bob says: so yeah, that was funny.
bob says: haha
bob says: lol
Do you notice some people doin that? The double "lol". They laugh, and then they laugh again. There are pauses within their laughing patterns. Maybe they're doing some sort of action during the pauses. Something like...rolling on the floor!?? How can someone roll on the floor, and still be able to reach the keyboard to type an acronym describing how they're laughing. I tell you how: because they're lying to you!
And how many asses do you have? They must've fallen off about 6 times today. If my rear end dropped off regularly, i wouldn't be laughing about it, i'd go to the hospital and hope they could fix that serious medical problem.
This doesn't end on msn either, people are using "lol" in real life now. Why?? Laughing is a reaction that rumbles in ur stomach and causes you to crackle without much thought. Going "haha" after a joke is a natural thing, saying "lol" to a joke is just plain weird. And how do those people laugh at REALLY funny jokes? Instead of going "hahaha", do they say "lolololololol"?? Are people gonna soon replace laughinh with phrases? "Yes, that was funny. I would give it 7 lols out of ten."
So yeah, this clip below is weird. Its a song they teach in a korean primary school about good internet manners...and well...its weird.
That's it from me for now precious friends.
How do you laugh? Would you say loudly, in an outward direction? If not, then "lol" shouldn't be used. It gives a wrong indication of the humour level within a conversation. Unless you really are laughing at a high level which would wake your neighbours, resulting in repeated visits by the police telling you to desist in your rampant gigglin, then don't lie.
And something else with "lol": It's an acronym standing for "laugh out loud". Why do people use variations of an acronym that would obviously change the meaning of it. "Lawl"?? And what about "lolz"?? What does that stand for? "laugh out loud zinger-burger"??
And those that end their portion of the conversation like this:
bob says: so yeah, that was funny.
bob says: haha
bob says: lol
Do you notice some people doin that? The double "lol". They laugh, and then they laugh again. There are pauses within their laughing patterns. Maybe they're doing some sort of action during the pauses. Something like...rolling on the floor!?? How can someone roll on the floor, and still be able to reach the keyboard to type an acronym describing how they're laughing. I tell you how: because they're lying to you!
And how many asses do you have? They must've fallen off about 6 times today. If my rear end dropped off regularly, i wouldn't be laughing about it, i'd go to the hospital and hope they could fix that serious medical problem.
This doesn't end on msn either, people are using "lol" in real life now. Why?? Laughing is a reaction that rumbles in ur stomach and causes you to crackle without much thought. Going "haha" after a joke is a natural thing, saying "lol" to a joke is just plain weird. And how do those people laugh at REALLY funny jokes? Instead of going "hahaha", do they say "lolololololol"?? Are people gonna soon replace laughinh with phrases? "Yes, that was funny. I would give it 7 lols out of ten."
So yeah, this clip below is weird. Its a song they teach in a korean primary school about good internet manners...and well...its weird.
That's it from me for now precious friends.
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